Twelve Doctrines of Christmas

Not entirely correct (e.g., "credo baptism"), but hilarious nonetheless.

Brian McLaren sings the Sacred

This is what happens when you substitute human religious impulses for God-revealed truth. This man has forgotten the power of the gospel.

As far as gospel-truth, McLaren is no different than other anthropocentric panderers like Joel Osteen.

Singing songs like this, I'm not surprised he doesn't have the doctrinal fortitude to resist sycophantic submission to Islam. Now if he'd sung something like this, he would have known better.

	Clyde McLennan - Stand up, stand up for Jesus (Webb)
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

RIP Michael Jackson

This is my favorite song of his, and one of the best live performances eMpTeeVee has ever captured.



He was the Elvis of my generation, changing music over nearly four decades of active performance.

King College Confessions over Cathaginian Christians

At King College, the English curriculum rotated around a reading of Augustine's Confessions. It's imprinted on my mind because, to my horror, the library only had a copy in Latin by the time I got around to checking it out. (I hate buying books unless I know I want it forever - it's nearly impossible for me to throw them away.) I can still hear, with fear, those quiet questions from Dr. Woolsey..."Chris, you have the Latin. Can you shed any light on this sentence?"

Yowsa.

Anyway, we all had strategies for dealing with reading the text. One student said "Just read until he starts talking about how sorry he is for his sins, skip seven pages, and you'll pick back up to his original thought." Not a bad strategy. But you miss all the lamentin' over lust. So, if you went to ole' KC and took an upper classmen's advice, here's a memorable way to experience what you missed.

"Confessionz"
A Rap about the Confessions of St. Augustine. Written and performed by Christ "MCG" Gehrz...with some help from puppets.

Lyrics:

Now Augustine of Hippo dropped in three and fitty-four
Constantine had gone Nicene almost thirty years before
But Auggie grew up hatin' on the prayin'
See his momma was a Christian, but his daddy was a pagan

On the mean streets of Thagaste, A-Dawg's on a tear
They call him Del Monte 'cause he's gotta have the pear
Didn't even taste it but he's grinnin'
See, it's not about the Benjamins; it's all about the sinnin'

Yeah, and playa had his way wit all da ladies
Until the girl said, "Boo, chill - we're gonna have a baby"

CHORUS:
Oh, Augustine!
(Or Augustine, Augustine)
Augustine!
(Yeah, he's lustin', he's lustin')
Augustine!
(But he's trustin', he's trustin')
God made us for himself
And our hearts'll find their rest in him

Went back to school in Carthage (the town the Romans flattened)
And holla! He's a scholah at philosophy and Latin
Told 'em all that "Cicero's da illest!"
Some Manicheans told him, "Son, you don't know what ill is!"

"What's goin' down's a battle, good and evil warrin'
The spiritual is admirable, the physical's abhorrent"
He thought they'd give him answers that were hidden
But when they said to give up sex, he said, "Oh no, you di'n't!"

Still, playa became a praya when he said
"Give me chastity and continence, Lord... but not yet!"

CHORUS: (repeat)

Took a job in It'ly and read up on the Plat'nists
Learned that evil's just the lack of good, and only good exists
A man in Milan named Ambrose tried to reach him
A. said, "I don't believe his words, but bro's da bomb at preachin'!"

Still he read the Holy Scripture and the picture started shiftin'
He prayed to God to save him from himself but he kept driftin'
Until he fell down weepin' at his knees
He heard the voice of children singin' "Take up and read"

And playa read Paul's playa-hatin' epistle
"Clothe yourself in Jesus Christ" hit him like a missile!

CHORUS: (repeat, 2x)

Have Thine Own Way

Naked Pastor hits another one out of the park!

Worship Wednesday - Psalmody

In case it isn't clear from my blog, I'm made from a blend of Christian traditions. I was baptized as a Methodist (twice!), raised (razed?) a Pentecostal, then (after a stint in neo-Paganism / Panentheism / Agnosticism) became a Presbyterian. It was in the Presbyterian / Reformed tradition that I gained a sense of who I was in Christ, so I owe a depth of gratitude that I'll never be able to pay.

However, now - by immutable decree of Almighty God in His good providence (and, I suspect, humor) - I am an Anglican. And we pray through up to three Psalms in each of our daily offices. This has rejuvenated a portion of my Presbyterian posterior - psalmody. I'm trying to find (or arrange) our Sunday Psalm readings into singable formats. Luckily, there are some really great Psalters out there - mostly from the Scots-Presbyterian tradition. CGMusic hosts three of them online, with playable MIDI formats! It's become one of my favorite tools.

But it let me down slightly for this Sunday's BCP reading (which - while allowing the whole psalm, focuses on David's establishment of a house of worship - and the LORD's establishment of David's house). So I came up with a new one - somewhat eclecticly chosen from what was there, and some of it the work of my own fevered imagination.

8 Arise, O Lord, inhabit now
your constant place of rest.
You and the ark of your great strength,
with us your presence bless.
9 Let all your priests be cloth-èd, Lord,
with truth and righteousness.
Make all your saints with songs of praise
Shout loud for joyfulness!

10 And for your servant David’s sake,
suffer not, Lord, I pray.
The face of your Anointed one
to ever turn away.
11 The Lord to David did make oath,
sworn on His name alone:
12 “A son from your own body shall
I seat upon your throne.”

13 And if your sons my cov’nant keep,
and to my laws submit,
Their children too, forevermore
Upon your throne shall sit.”
14 The Lord himself has Zion chose,
there He desires to dwell.
15 “This is my ever-bless’d abode,
for I do love her well.”

16 “And I will bless with great increase!
Her food stores everywhere.
With living bread I'll satisfy
The poor and needy there.
17 With salvation I’ll robe her priests!
From saints, my praises flow.
18 There David’s son shall ever reign,
the Lamp ordained to glow.

I'm thinking this goes nice with Ellacome ("I Sing the Mighty Power of God!") which is very familiar. However, Forest Green would also be lovely (though less familiar).

Hymn for Ordination Today

God the Spirit, Guide and Guardian

Tune: Hyfrydol

God the Spirit, guide and guardian, wind-sped flame and hovering dove,
Breath of life and voice of prophets, sign of blessing, power of love,
Give to those who lead your people, fresh anointing of your grace.
Send them forth as bold apostles to your church in every place.

Christ our Savior, sovereign, Shepherd, word made flesh, love crucified,
Teacher, healer, suffering servant, friend of sinners, foe of pride,
In your tending may all pastors learn and live a shepherd's care;
Grant them courage and compassion shown through word and deed and prayer.

Great Creator, life bestower, truth beyond all thought's recall,
Fount of wisdom, womb of mercy, giving and forgiving all,
As you know our strength and weakness, so may those the church exalts
Oversee its life steadfastly yet not overlook its faults.

Triune God mysterious being, undivided and diverse,
Deeper than our minds can fathom, greater than our creeds rehearse,
Help us in our varied callings your full image to proclaim,
That our ministries uniting may give glory to your name.

*GOD THE SPIRIT, GUIDE AND GUARDIAN

Words by Carl P. Daw, Jr.; Music by Rowland H. Prichard © 1989 Hope Publishing Company, Carol Stream, IL 60188

Suggested Hymns for the Feast of Palindromes

"Are We Not Drawn Onward, We Jews, Drawn Onward to New Era?" (Tune: Miryrim)
"Don't Nod, Don't Nod" (Tune: Drowsy Baby's Word)
"King, Are You Glad You Are King?" (Tune: Rev. Onan Over)
"May a Moody Baby Doom a Yam" (Tune: See Bees)
"Amen! Enema!" (Tune: Angelum Smulegna)

H/T: Edward Moran

Come thou what?

I'll admit it...I long to be the Weird Al Yankovic of Church music but I'm just not talented enough. That's why I'm enlisting your aid. Help me be the melodical satirist I think I am. Here's a starter:

Come, thou Fount of every blessing
Give me what I want today.
Entertainment never ceasing
Paths of comfort line my way.
Not a song penned by some geezer;
Sung in days of hymn and chant;
But a sure-fire people pleaser,
That will make the elders rant.

I leave it to you talented musicians and lyricists to complete the hymn. When we're finished, I fully expect this to become the next great classic of the faith and be included in The Presbyterian Hymnal v. 2.1.