For Pastors (and Potential Pastors) Only

How cool is this? It's a breath of fresh air to those of us who are on the heady side and tend to be less effective on the administration end of our vocation. And notice that they have their priorities right - the Spiritual competencies come first, then the day-to-day stuff. It's like a free D.Min. without being part of the D-Min-ization of the church!

The baby and the bathwater

Compared to fear-mongering like this, ecclesiastical indulgences almost seem forgivable

Take My Life...PLEASE!

Stushie is way too good at hymn parodies for his own sanity (exhibits A and B). Thus, I'm providing an outlet for him here where we keep things indifferent. To start the mix, I propose my rendition of Take My Life (Hendon) in antiphonal response.

Husband

Take my wife and let me be,
Distracted by my TV
Through vacation and sick days;
Lord please help me get that raise.
Lord please help me get that raise.

Wife

Take my "love," my Lord, I bore.
I'll sleep better without his snore.
In a land where I am free
Divorce costs a tiny fee.
Divorce costs a tiny fee.

Teenage kid

Take my mommy and my dad.
All they do is make me mad.
"Get off MySpace!" "Stop that chat!"
Without them, I'd be called phat.
Without them, I'd be called phat.

Stushie is goint to outdo me on this, but I thought I'd toss in a nugget anyway.

Commenting about REALLY important news

I admit it - I'm too caught up in my own little world to blog about the important issues of the day. (Hey....what do you expect from a blog called Adiaphora?)

Anyway, I've totally missed the defining issue of our time: Paris Hilton in Jail. As my first step towards repentance, I offer this penetrating interview by the Reverend Dr. Steve Brown, Professor of Communications at RTS.

Now I'm off to my prayer closet for 10 hail Anna Nicoles and a latte.

"Hail Anna, full of grease, I am bored with thee; cloying art thou amongst women, and Birkhead is the fruit of thy womb, Dannielynn. Oh-so Scary...."

ONE Voice is getting a little hoarse

I don't know how they keep a straight face:

On the global scene, they tell secular governments and for-profit banking firms to just forget about money that was lent as an investment.

On the national level, they tell local churches that if you want to leave with the property you (and/or your ancestors) paid for, you have to pay them to do it. And God help you in the face of their righteous indignation should it turn out that the presbytery invested a penny in the physical property!



And we still wonder why the PCUSA isn't gaining members at a breakneck pace....

Another Gem from the World's Most Tolerant Religion

A glimpse into the future of our Christofascist state....

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas -- A secular humanist was sentenced to death for purportedly insulting Christianity's founder Jesus, and a human rights activist yesterday urged Arkansas' governor to spare the man's life.

Joachin Huck, 43, was arrested in September 2005 on the outskirts of the eastern city of Bibleville after residents told police he made derogatory remarks against Christianity and Jerry Fallwell.*

On Wednesday, a court sentenced Huck to death by cream corned casserole under Arkansas' harsh blasphemy laws, which rights groups say have been misused against atheists since former President George W. Bush enacted them in the 2000s to win support of hard-line religious groups.
....
Amerika is a Bapt...er...Christian state where non-Bapt...er...Christians comprise just 3 percent of the population. Anyone accused of insulting Christianity, Jesus or the Bible can be sentenced to death.

Satire? I wish it were, for Younis' sake.

Christianity - you can call it a fable, say it's founder rots in a tomb and its moral imperatives are unjust, and you're likely to get ordained and put on the payroll!

Islam - say something less than ululatingly adulatory about their war-mongering pedophilic prophet and you're likely to be asking "watFa hit me?"

*Please don't read this as "Baptist bashing" - I have great respect for them and enjoyed every class I took at their premier seminary. I simply use it because in the South, you can't spit without hittin' a Baptist - and where I'm from, they tend to lead the charge in getting upset about moral laxity. I just wish Presbyterians had that kind of courage!

Belief in an afterlife and the Virginia Tech Massacre

Immortality-denying Harry Emerson Fosdick penned the following stanza in his rousing hymn, "God of Grace and God of Glory":

Lo! the hosts of evil ’round us,
Scorn Thy Christ, assail His ways.
From the fears that long have bound us,
Free our hearts to faith and praise.
Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,
For the living of these days,
For the living of these days.

Unfortunately, his insipid belief system (especially as it is reiterated these days) is unable to grant the kind of courage needed to face the living of these days. For that, you're going to have to go to something like evangelical Christianity.

Cultural Imperialism

The guys over at Acton are actin' up again. This time, they've pointed out the fatal flaw in mandatory "reproductive health" funding for third world countries.

...the common perception is that population growth causes poverty, so reducing population should also reduce poverty. But the facts do not bear this out. Neither do basic economics....

Statistics show no real correlation between population and poverty....

Despite the evidence, the World Bank continues lavishing American tax dollars on population control when that money could be put to better use on such things as infrastructure, telecommunications, and fighting corruption....

We know the factors that create economic growth and development: consistent rule of law for all citizens, property rights, sensible regulation, and a culture that encourages and rewards entrepreneurial behavior. These traits have never existed perfectly anywhere on earth, but the degree to which they have been present reflects the degree to which prosperity has been achieved. Conversely, where they remain absent -- as in much of the developing world today -- poverty and misery are found in their stead.

Many of the same people who protest the “cultural imperialism” of multi-national corporations like McDonalds, Coca-Cola and Wal-Mart vigorously support forcing the Western, secular sexual morality of contraception and abortion on women in Latin America, Africa and Asia -- many of whom view them as moral evils and a violation of their dignity.

People can choose whether to eat a Big Mac or shop at Wal-Mart, but when foreign aid is made contingent on reproductive health policies that include abortion -- and there is no choice -- that is real cultural imperialism. It is ironic that Europe, the very continent facing an economic crisis because of population decline, is busily promoting its own disease as a panacea for what ails the developing world.

Read all about it here.

Parliament Funk

“A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.”

- P. J. O'Rourke, Parliament of Whores, xxv.

There's an awful lot of politicking going on right now about issues I care about. I get frustrated with Washington and with myself about how issues are framed and approached. As a member of a religion that has been oppressed, ignored, and manipulated by the government (as well as one that has used the government to oppress and manipulate), church-state relations are always kind of foggy to me.

It strikes me as odd (maybe even hypocritical) that folks who normally tell us to keep our Christianity out of politics (for example, on abortion, LGBTQ issues, what have you) see no problem with using Christianity to criticize the government's stand on immigration (SoJo, I'm talking to you!). I'm pretty sure that a lot of this comes down to how we view the perspecuity of Scripture (at least in the Christian tradition). What does it address, and what doesn't it address? Where are normative statements and where are descriptive statements? How do we discern?

In my seminary training, there was no course offered on hermeneutics - the science of interpretation. We're paying for it now that we have a little bit of biblical knowledge, a whole lot of "praxiological reflection," and no where to hang it all within a system because - other than systems theory - there is no acceptable systematic expression of life because that's a product of European intellectual hegemony. Most of my assumptions are either implicitly derived from the way confessional documents interpret Scripture or are simplistic statements that need to be parsed (such as Scriptura sacra sui ipsius interpres, which assumes that the Scriptures have both veritas and claritas). I've been supplementing my training by reading folks like Craig Blomberg, but it would have been nice to have this in the curriculum.

What to do....

NCC Holds the Line...in contempt

Can someone please tell me why the anti-Trinitarian heretics of the Swedenborgian Church were granted admission to the NCC?

Can someone please tell me why the PCUSA is funding the NCC so extravagantly while we starve our own missionaries?

Correspondence on discipline and doctrine

Here's my initial email.

Rich,

I'm heartsick as I write this, but I don't know to whom I should turn.

Is Holston Presbytery aware of the theological positions of John Shuck? He broadcasts them on his blog, casting vitriolic derision on anyone who asks why a Presbyterian minister denounces the bodily resurrection of Jesus, the unique/ontological divinity of Jesus, and the inspiration of the Scriptures. Many (if not most) of his "theological explorations" end up equating God with the universe, or some other panentheistic concept. This is most repugnant because it represents a thorough collapse of Trinitarian Godhead. Given the level of misuse and neglect of the Trinity throughout our denomination (on both "sides"), the last seems especially troubling.

Am I alone in my concern for both him and the sheep entrusted to his care? I've gone to him personally, and communicated privately and semi-publicly. I'm not sure what else I can do

--
Chris

Here's the response I got.
Chris,
Thanks for your email.
You ask, "Is Holston Presbytery aware of the…" I can't speak for all of Holston Presbytery… but I can speak for myself and in regard to the Constitution of the PCUSA. So, let me try to address those concerns from my perspective and the Constitution.
I am aware of John Shuck's blog site. John is free to express his opinions and theological views—although much of what is on his blog are the viewpoints of other scholars and theologians—even if they are different from yours or mine or even mainstream Presbyterianism. John (and any ordained officer or church member, for that matter) is not free to depart from the practice of Presbyterian polity or Scripture.
The examination of officers and candidates for ordination is where an individual's conduct and beliefs are tested and judged by the Constitutional standards and according to the session's or presbytery's sense of orthodoxy. Church discipline in the PCUSA is designed to bring about repentance, reconciliation and restoration for those who have acted contrary to Scripture or the Constitution of the PCUSA.
John has appropriately and Constitutionally been examined by the Committee on Ministry, approved for membership in Holston Presbytery, and John has affirmed the Constitutional Questions required of ordination. I am not aware that John has acted contrary to Scripture or the Constitution of the PCUSA. (Just as I am not aware that you have acted contrary to Scripture or the Constitution of the PCUSA.)
I and the Committee on Ministry are charged with the responsibility of caring for pastors and congregations. Ideally, as the entire body of Christ, we all care for one another. So, my answer to your question, "Am I alone in my concern for [John] and the sheep entrusted to his care?" would be "No, you, Chris, are not alone."
Richard L. Fifield

I've sent comments along to other ministers within our presbytery, asking them to talk with John or the COM or the EP. No response has been given.

I was always proud (in a good way) to be from Holston. Good work is going on there. The gospel is being faithfully proclaimed (in word and in deed) by presbyters, deacons, and "laity." But when it comes to exercising discipline (formal or otherwise) against "troubler(s) of Israel," I'm guessing this is going to go in pretty much one direction.

I imagine that my CPM will see this as further evidence that I'm too adversarial to lead a church. Maybe. I doubt that the "heretics" at the various congregations I've served would say so. I'll talk Spong and Borg with them, and gently express what criticisms (and true statements) I find therein. But they are church members. Sometimes they are officers - but none are ministers.

As I read Paul's instructions to Timothy and Titus, the most pastoral approach to take with people that are unsteady in their doctrine is an educational one backed up by prayer for illumination and kindness. But this is not acceptable with those who would teach and lead. To turn a blind eye or deaf ear is not only unloving to the person who is stumbling in their doctrine, it's downright hateful to those who are under their teaching authority.

When I spoke with a friend in the Renewal network, I was asked if this was a hill I was willing to die on. The answer is "yes." I will risk my future in the PCUSA in order to clarify our denominational position towards those who mock the bodily resurrection of the Lord Jesus and decry God's merciful provision of salvation through Christ as mere exclusivist provincialism.

To that end, here are my public questions of complaint.
1. I'm not a polity guy, so there are things that aren't always clear to me. But my reading of the "shall" statements in our Directory for Worship (especially 2.2007, 3.3101(1), and 3.3401d) seem to necessitate that sermons be based upon the Scriptures. Would that mean that sermons based on the Gospel of Thomas or the Gospel of Mary are acts contrary to our Constitution?

2. If doctrine doesn't matter, why would Timothy be instructed to watch both his life and his doctrine , because his (and his hearers') salvation was impacted by it?

3. Is preaching about the rotting body of Jesus an acceptable position within Holston Presbytery?

The problem isn't that Mr. Shuck reads and posts about these things. I'm all for that sort of freedom. The problem is that he believes them - so convinced is he of the truth that the Bible is not inspired (a belief he sees as sentimental at best, spurious, pernicious, and moot at worst), Jesus' body is still in the grave, and that there is no afterlife that he PREACHES these doctrines from a pulpit of Holston Presbytery. He veers dangerously close to (if not into) gnosticism, docetism, and unitarianism. If these doctrines - which are condemned by the Church catholic - are acceptable in a Minister of the Word and Sacrament in our denomination, then I need to know now before vows bind me any further.

As for me, there seems to be a veiled implication of my activity that is contrary to Scripture or our Constitution. I must admit that I have acted contrary to both. When I see the standards of righteousness and justice set before me in the pages of Holy Writ, I know that I not only fail to meet them but in many cases I willfully transgress. When I led a catechism class through the Westminster commentary on the Decalogue, I caught a renewed sense of my error (both in omission and commission). I was also driven even more forcefully to Christ as my only righteousness before the Godhead (and a foreign righteousness, at that).

That's why resurrection is such a big deal to me. I sin in my body and in my mind. And Paul declares that Jesus was raised for my justification ( Rom. 4:25). If Jesus is just a man, then he died for his own sins and not for mine - and that leaves me with a vain faith and no hope.

I have spoken with Mr. Shuck personally. I have communicated with him electronically. A number of ministers and elders from around the country have communicated with him and he still does not recant. I have no other option but to ask the church to intervene - for his sake and for the sake of his hearers. And if this action is considered unloving, mean-spirited, or arrogant then I need to go somewhere else, because I can almost guarantee that at some point in the future, I'll need a loving rebuke too.Hier stehe ich; ich kann nicht anders. Gott helfe mir! Amen.

Like momma always said

Sin can be forgiven, but stupid is forever.

*p.s. - I shouldn't have said "stupid." That was wrong-headed and petty. It was also inaccurate. The reason I think he's responsible - in fact morally culpable - for the teaching of heresy is because at Princeton he would have been taught the history of them.

Bibliolatry canard

When debating religious liberals (notice I'm not saying "liberal Christians"), you'll often have the claim of "bibliolatry" thrown up in your face if you provide Scriptural references for why you disagree with them.

I came across an interesting section of Deuteronomy that addresses the issue:

“You came near and stood at the foot of the mountain, while flames from the mountain shot into the sky. The mountain was shrouded in black clouds and deep darkness. And the Lord spoke to you from the heart of the fire. You heard the sound of his words but didn’t see his form; there was only a voice. He proclaimed his covenant—the Ten Commandments—which he commanded you to keep, and which he wrote on two stone tablets. It was at that time that the Lord commanded me to teach you his decrees and regulations so you would obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy.

Notice that the voice is not idolatrous - it's doing things the voice says not to do that ends in idolatry (see commands 1 & 2). Passing on to others what the voice has spoken is commended. Trying to create impressions of it is not.

We believe that Jesus is the Word of God, the rationalizing principle of the universe. Words help us re-member Jesus. "Bibliolatry" is simply a way to construct ones own Jesus - a Jesus who is accountable to us (what we can "know" and "historically reconstruct") instead of the other way around.

Come thou what?

I'll admit it...I long to be the Weird Al Yankovic of Church music but I'm just not talented enough. That's why I'm enlisting your aid. Help me be the melodical satirist I think I am. Here's a starter:

Come, thou Fount of every blessing
Give me what I want today.
Entertainment never ceasing
Paths of comfort line my way.
Not a song penned by some geezer;
Sung in days of hymn and chant;
But a sure-fire people pleaser,
That will make the elders rant.

I leave it to you talented musicians and lyricists to complete the hymn. When we're finished, I fully expect this to become the next great classic of the faith and be included in The Presbyterian Hymnal v. 2.1.

Cheers to the Religion of Peace

Is anyone* really convinced that Islam is a religion of peace?

I'll tell you someone who isn't: Ismail Radwan, the spokesman for Hamas.

For a healthy dose of reality-laced satire, go here. (If the high-brow approach suits you, read this.)

By the way, does anyone else laugh at Eleanora Giddings-Ivory's suggestion that we remove religious language from political dialogue, saying that we should instead talk about peace and justice? After all, she spends most of her time telling us that we should make peace and justice our moral and religious priorities (and not those side issues like abortion and homosexual activis...I mean civil rights.).

*[I mean anybody outside of Iran and these thirteen "religious leaders" (yes! Thirteen - a landslide)]

Avoiding Hell

Since our society is fond of top ten lists, what better way to introduce the subject of how people can avoid hell than in a top ten list format. Take a look at the list below & see if you have ever heard anyone use any of these reasons or ways to avoid & even deny hell.

Top Ten ways to avoid hell…

10. Claim hell was only a trash heap outside of Jerusalem (see Gehenna)

9. Claim hell was an invention of the Western Greek Hellenistic mindset

8. Claim hell was an invention of Pharisees to threaten people into obedience

7. Claim hell was an invention of Roman Catholicism to threaten people into obedience

6. Claim hell was an invention of Right-wing Fundamentalists to threaten people into obedience

5. Claim hell was an invention of fill in blank , with whatever group you hate.

4. Claim hell was an invention of Paul after he high jacked Jesus’ message of “love”

3. Claim hell is just a way for self-righteous people to feel like they are special

2. Claim hell is just a way for self-righteous people to condemn others

1. Claim hell doesn’t exist

Shamelessly ganked from thekingdomcome. It doesn't mention that Hell was really an invention of Zoroastrian dualism - just like Paradise.

Or you can just get one of these:

Prayer for Illumination - Easter 3C

Inspired by the texts for the week:

Self-revealing God,
Because it has pleased you that
the same sun which melts the ice
also hardens the clay,
grant that our hearts may be made
more responsive to the light of Holy Scripture
as it witnesses to the Sun of Righteousness,
even Jesus Christ, the Light of the World,
who, along with you and the Holy Spirit,
are due all praise and glory, honor and power,
wisdom and strength, now and forever. Amen.

I'll be preaching on Rev. 5:1-14 this Sunday. Orare pro mihi.

Environmentalism in the inbox

Received this today from a friend and verified it at Snopes.com and several other blogs (including Canada's own Treehugger.com).

LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING TWO HOUSES AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHICH BELONGS TO AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

HOUSE # 1:

A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt," either. It's in the South.

HOUSE # 2:

Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas,and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE # 1

(20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville,Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and filmmaker) Al Gore.

HOUSE # 2
(model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it's truly "an inconvenient truth."

Any guesses as to whether or not this will make a difference to the lefties?

Didn't think so....

Something Truly Indifferent

Alright. Adiaphora are supposed to be truly indifferent, and I haven't blogged much on inessential things (or much of anything). To that end, I offer this post:

Where is the Red Dawn equivalent of the War on Terror? I mean, there have been a few movies that obliquely reference the Iraq War (normally posing as generic middle east conflict/conspiracy or - following the M*A*S*H route - are set in a different conflict or a parallel reality). But this is not high schoolers taking up arms against the enemy.

(This was prompted because I just found Red Dawn at Wal-Mart for $5.50! What a bargain!)

Unmistakable Truths

Hmmm... dig up the corpse of Jesus and you get to claim that your faith is not beholden to fact because you can make it a metaphor or just dump the whole "realism" project. (Not to mention that everyone else who disagrees with your interpretation does so from intellectual dishonesty or, worse, moral bankruptcy.)

Dig up something an anthropologist claims is a human ancestor and you demand that everyone's faith claims have to change in accordance with that "fact."

Anyone else smell inconsistency? (Hint: it smells kind of lemony.)

Evolution and relativism = "unmistakable truth" over which only the mentally deficient can disagree.

orthodox Christianity = misogynistic powerplay for privileging a narrow "western" view.

A most fascinating hermeneutic....