Twelve Doctrines of Christmas

Not entirely correct (e.g., "credo baptism"), but hilarious nonetheless.

Standing on the Promise in Advent

Scripsit +Doc Loomis:

Advent 1: A description of ugly things to come is followed by this...."when these things begin to take place, stand up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near" I'm standing...anyone else?

Great...now I have to do a hymn parody.

	Clyde McLennan - Standing on the promises .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Standing on the promise
after Christ the King!
Advent is upon us,
Carols we shall sing!
Gloria in excelsis
and the bells that ring
Go away until that Christmas Day!
Waiting! Waiting!
Waiting for the Promised One who's Israel's Savior!
Waiting! Waiting!
I'm waiting for the coming Son of God!

Standing on the Promise in Advent

Scripsit +Doc Loomis:

Advent 1: A description of ugly things to come is followed by this...."when these things begin to take place, stand up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near" I'm standing...anyone else?

Great...now I have to do a hymn parody.

	Clyde McLennan - Standing on the promises .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Standing on the promise
after Christ the King!
Advent is upon us,
Carols we shall sing!
Gloria in excelsis
and the bells that ring
Go away until it's Christmas Day!
Waiting! Waiting!
Waiting for the Promised One who's Israel's Savior!
Waiting! Waiting!
I'm waiting for the coming Son of God!

Anglican Hillbilly

Presbyman called me an Anglican Hillbilly. Well...I had to make a song about it!

Come and listen to a story about a man named Chris

A poor mountaineer, full of vinegar and ****,

Then one day he was shootin off his mouth,

And trouble stirred up about him being from the South.

Dixie that is, where they drink pre-sweetened tea.

Well the next thing you know ol' Chris is Anglican,
Wearin' frilly dresses though he's still a manly-man.
Said "In the AC-NA" is the place you ought to be
So he joined a diocese that was missionary.

All Saints, that is.
Thuribles, Holy Roods...

The Anglican Hillbillies!

Sung at the end of the show (not as a recessional):

Well now its time to say good-bye to all these Angli-kin.
Coffee, biscuits in the back say "Thanks fer droppin in."
You're all invited back next week to this locality
For a taste of Cath'lic worship (sans infalibility)

Papal that is. Kneel a spell. Take your shoes off. (On Maundy Thursd'y at least)

Tongue-in-Cheek Hymns for Calvin's Birthday

"Jesus Loves Me, This I Think"

Jesus loves me, this I think,
If I’m wrong, to Hell I’ll sink.
Little ones to Him belong
To save or damn, for He is strong.

Yes, He may love me,
And has elected
Or else rejected
Me ere the world began.

"Arminian 'Grace'"

Arminian “grace!” How strange the sound,
Salvation hinged on me.
I once was lost then turned around,
Was blind then chose to see.

What “grace” is it that calls for choice,
Made from some good within?
That part that wills to heed God’s voice,
Proved stronger than my sin.

Through many ardent gospel pleas,
I sat with heart of stone.
But then some hidden good in me,
Propelled me toward my home.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Because of what we’ve done,
We’ve no less days to sing our praise,
Than when we first begun.

Shamelessly ganked from fellow-presbyter Drew Collins. Image from Cruciality.

Why Should I Not Kill You?

Cruel Logic – short film from Brian Godawa on Vimeo.

Ray and Kirk are right...appeal to the conscience, and the facade of postmodern ethics crumbles.

Cutting Down Arguments

How do you deal with people that disagree with you theologically?

There seem to be several avenues people take in trying to find a basis of authority on which they stake their beliefs.

1) Me & “the Spirit”: Basically, I'm so illumined by the Spirit (of what?) that I can sense the great truths of the faith. We should notice that there are at least two varieties of this epistemological stance: a) the gnosticizing liberal thinks that they've got an inside track to what God has to say, normally in such a way as to overthrow what the Bible plainly says or what the Church has confessed for nearly 2000 years; b) the charismatic literalist thinks that they don't need to hear what other people have said about the Scriptures (whether that be Christian scholars or - dare I say it - the Church catholic in her creeds and confessions)...think the Oneness Pentecostal movement. The tie that binds is that this person believes that they can pierce the darkness that has kept the Church of Jesus Christ from seeing the truth (for as much as 2000 years); all they need is to meditate and read their Bible and God will reveal to them everything that's needed. They'll get a new revelation, or having felt a sense of connectedness to all world religions.

This isn't a new phenomenon. Martin Luther said that there were a certain group of preachers of his day who confuse their own spirit with the Holy Spirit: “they think they have swallowed the Holy Ghost feathers and all.” John Calvin warned “the fanaticism which discards the scripture, under the pretense of resorting to immediate revelations is subversive of every principle in Christianity. For when they boast extravagantly of the Spirit the tendency is always to bury the word of God so they can make room for their own falsehood.” Archetypes: John Spong, Joseph Smith and just about any neo-montanist on TBN.

2) Me & the Pro: I've been taught by this pastor, or read these books, or gone to this seminary, or earned this degree so I really know what it's all about. I'm not denigrating sitting under good preaching (I've benefited from it, and I hope others will benefit from my preaching). Anyone that's been to my home knows I have a library numbering in the low thousands. I did go to cemetery seminary and earned a degree there. But to think that the insights of the latest generation trump the illumination that the Spirit has given in the Church for thousands of years is a denial of Jesus' promises regarding the Church. The Reformers consistently pointed back to the Scriptures, the early Church Fathers, the ecumenical councils, and more recent scholastic thought to prove their continuity with the Apostolic deposit of the faith.

These approaches can be combined, and I would dare say that all of us do that very thing - inconsistently shuffling the bases of our belief.

I think the right track is to take a Me and the Church approach. When Jesus called his apostles to himself, he didn't just bring one - he brought twelve. He established a community in which his power, his authority, his doctrine would continue. We do well to read our Bibles with the whole Church catholic. The Word gives life to the Community, and the Community reiterates the Word in the World.

Without this necessary balance, we fall to the idols of self or society, and are not conformed to the Saviour.

Image h/t Naked Pastor

Post Swine Flu Evangelism

Threats will get you everywhere, youngling.

(Or is this an atheist advertising. "I'ma soooo confused!")

May Flowers

English-speaking Calvinists are generally familiar with TULIP:

Total depravity
Unconditional election
Limited atonement
Irresistible grace
Perseverance of the saints

However, given that some might see TULIP as old hat, today's challenge is to come up with another floral acronym that expresses the truths of Reformed Christianity. For example:

Perseverance of the saints
Authority of scripture
Noetic effects of the fall
Salvation in Jesus Christ
Yes to God’s grace

Shamelessly ganked from Byzantine Calvinist.

Obama-approved Green Car

Wind power for everyone!!!!

I wonder when this car goes on sail....

Barackomania

NB: If you're reading this via facebook, you'll need to open the entry in full. Non-textual media almost never come through, and this post requires it.



Watch'em swoon!



Maybe it's because they aren't getting enough fact in their diet?

h/t ModernCounterCulture

Wolves in Sheepdog Clothing

Is your pastor leading you? Or just watching the show?



You should know what you believe, why you believe it, and why it makes a difference.

h/t ReverendFun

Porpoise Driven Life

I dunno...still a little fishy to me.

O Rahm, O Rahm, Emmanuel

Though I really haven't the time, I'm suspecting that by next Advent this won't be as funny. Necessity is the mother of ADvention

(C'mon....you know the tune.)

Oh Rahm, Oh Rahm E-mman-u-el
I hope you have a senate seat to sell!
Chicago politics written large,
Now that Obama has been put in charge.

Refrain

Rejoice, pro-choice! Emmanuel
has cabinet and judges seats to sell.

O come, desire of nations, blind
Us with your soaring rhetoric, sublime.
Bid rising waters hasty retreat,
And be the presidential Prince of Peace.

Refrain

Rejoice, pro-choice! Emmanuel
has cabinet and judges seats to sell.

Eat Your Heart Out

Literally.

This World Is Not My Home

Fortunately, neither is this place.

Preaching the Profit

Somebody call the prosperity preachers (ahem...I'm talking to you, Joel Osteen) and tell'em their missing out on a good marketing experience.

No offense intended to Warren Wiersbe or Mr. B Natural.

Is your preacher equipping you to serve Jesus? Or just to live your best life now?

Palin Facts

Look at it this way. One VP candidate could protect you from zombies. The other... well, he looks like one.

Even Chuck Norris is running scared.


h/t PalinFacts

Presidential Hopeful

Honestly, could she be any worse than what we're already facing?

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Obamanation Desecration

In case you missed it, the London Times did a brilliant satire of Obama's messianic voyage to the motherlands. Here's a snippet:

He ventured forth to bring light to the world

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow....