A New Song for the PCUSA

Since 10-A passes, we all know where to go if you:
1) Are married, but don't think your sex life should be confined to your spouse.
2) Can't abide being married to just one person at a time.
3) Are single and want to "test the milk" before you "buy the cow."
4) Reject the basics of human biological gender.



Let's face it. Gay clergy isn't the problem. Making the fundamentals of the faith optional is the disease...confusion over the sexes is just a symptom. As professor Alice Linsley reminds us: "Dialogue with revisionists is impossible."

“Not to oppose error is to approve it; and not to defend truth is to suppress it, and, indeed, to neglect to confound evil men - when we can do it - is no less a sin than to encourage them”
St. Felix III, Bishop of Rome, 483-492

Best wishes, though, to all my friends of evangelical persuasion still on that ship. May you find a lifeboat soon.

Paphnutius the Confessor

St. Paphnutius was an Egyptian bishop, of a city in the Upper Thebaid in the early fourth century, and one of the most interesting members of the Council of Nicæa (325). He suffered mutilation of the left knee (was hamstrung) and the loss of his right eye for the Faith under the Emperor Maximinus (308-13), and was subsequently condemned to the mines. At Nicæa he was greatly honoured by Constantine the Great, who, according to Socrates (Church History I.11), used often to send for the good old confessor and kiss the place whence the eye had been torn out.

He took a prominent, perhaps a decisive, part in the debate at the First Œcumenical Council on the subject of the celibacy of the clergy. It seems that most of the bishops present were disposed to follow the precedent of the Council of Elvira (can. xxxiii) prohibiting conjugal relations to those bishops, priests, deacons, and, according to Sozomen, sub-deacons, who were married before ordination. Paphnutius earnestly entreated his fellow-bishops not to impose this obligation on the orders of the clergy concerned. He proposed, in accordance "with the ancient tradition of the Church", that only those who were celibates at the time of ordination should continue to observe continence, but, on the other hand, that "none should be separated from her, to whom, while yet unordained, he had been united". The great veneration in which he was held, and the well known fact that he had himself observed the strictest chastity all his life, gave weight to his proposal, which was unanimously adopted. The council left it to the discretion of the married clergy to continue or discontinue their marital relations. Paphnutius was present at the Synod of Tyre (335) with St. Athanasius.

See more at Wikipedia.

Anglican Hillbilly

Presbyman called me an Anglican Hillbilly. Well...I had to make a song about it!

Come and listen to a story about a man named Chris

A poor mountaineer, full of vinegar and ****,

Then one day he was shootin off his mouth,

And trouble stirred up about him being from the South.

Dixie that is, where they drink pre-sweetened tea.

Well the next thing you know ol' Chris is Anglican,
Wearin' frilly dresses though he's still a manly-man.
Said "In the AC-NA" is the place you ought to be
So he joined a diocese that was missionary.

All Saints, that is.
Thuribles, Holy Roods...

The Anglican Hillbillies!

Sung at the end of the show (not as a recessional):

Well now its time to say good-bye to all these Angli-kin.
Coffee, biscuits in the back say "Thanks fer droppin in."
You're all invited back next week to this locality
For a taste of Cath'lic worship (sans infalibility)

Papal that is. Kneel a spell. Take your shoes off. (On Maundy Thursd'y at least)

Bp. Ackerman and Suspicion of Deposition

Everytime I see this picture I'm more and more convinced that she's cackling "I'll get you my pretty! You and your little dog, too!"

Episcopal News Service reports that Dr. Katharine Jefferts Schori notified Bp. Keith Ackerman by mail and email October 16 that she has accepted the former Bishop of Quincy's voluntary renunciation of ordained ministry in the Episcopal Church.

In a statement released by the Presiding Bishop's office October 16, JeffertsSchori cited Title III, Section 7 of the Canons: "I have accepted the renunciation of the Ordained Ministry of this Church, made in writing to me in July 2009 by the Rt. Rev. Keith L. Ackerman, Bishop of Quincy, Resigned who is, therefore, removed from the Ordained Ministry of this Church and released from the obligations of all Ministerial offices, and is deprived of the right to exercise the gifts and spiritual authority as a Minister of God's Word and Sacraments conferred on him in Ordinations.”

According to the statement, Jefferts Schori had thanked Ackerman in an October 7 letter "for your follow up note regarding your plans to function as a bishop in the Diocese of Bolivia in the Province of the Southern Cone. As you know, there is no provision for transferring a bishop to another Province. I am therefore releasing you from the obligations of ordained ministry in this Church.”

The full text of the her October 7 letter may be read here.

From an Anglo-Catholic perspective, I've got to chuckle a bit. Since his firm conviction is that Dr. Schori cannot be a presbyter, much less a bishop in the Church of God, what effect can this possibly have? The only thing it means is that if someone catches him confirming or ordaining or otherwise acting episcopally or sacerdotally in a TEC-affiliated building, he might be escorted out by police (should locals be inclined to report it).

He had maintained his position as a retired TEC bishop specifically so that he could continue to provide confirmations, dedications, chrism masses, etc. for FiF churches in TEC (only at the invitation of the ordinary, of course). In case Dr. Schori isn't familiar with these functions, this is what bishops do in the church.

I think the most that can be said about her unilateral action is that Bp. Keith is no longer under any obligation to advocate for the Millenium Developmental Goals. Now he can get back to praying for God's reign, rather than trying to pretend.

King College Confessions over Cathaginian Christians

At King College, the English curriculum rotated around a reading of Augustine's Confessions. It's imprinted on my mind because, to my horror, the library only had a copy in Latin by the time I got around to checking it out. (I hate buying books unless I know I want it forever - it's nearly impossible for me to throw them away.) I can still hear, with fear, those quiet questions from Dr. Woolsey..."Chris, you have the Latin. Can you shed any light on this sentence?"

Yowsa.

Anyway, we all had strategies for dealing with reading the text. One student said "Just read until he starts talking about how sorry he is for his sins, skip seven pages, and you'll pick back up to his original thought." Not a bad strategy. But you miss all the lamentin' over lust. So, if you went to ole' KC and took an upper classmen's advice, here's a memorable way to experience what you missed.

"Confessionz"
A Rap about the Confessions of St. Augustine. Written and performed by Christ "MCG" Gehrz...with some help from puppets.

Lyrics:

Now Augustine of Hippo dropped in three and fitty-four
Constantine had gone Nicene almost thirty years before
But Auggie grew up hatin' on the prayin'
See his momma was a Christian, but his daddy was a pagan

On the mean streets of Thagaste, A-Dawg's on a tear
They call him Del Monte 'cause he's gotta have the pear
Didn't even taste it but he's grinnin'
See, it's not about the Benjamins; it's all about the sinnin'

Yeah, and playa had his way wit all da ladies
Until the girl said, "Boo, chill - we're gonna have a baby"

CHORUS:
Oh, Augustine!
(Or Augustine, Augustine)
Augustine!
(Yeah, he's lustin', he's lustin')
Augustine!
(But he's trustin', he's trustin')
God made us for himself
And our hearts'll find their rest in him

Went back to school in Carthage (the town the Romans flattened)
And holla! He's a scholah at philosophy and Latin
Told 'em all that "Cicero's da illest!"
Some Manicheans told him, "Son, you don't know what ill is!"

"What's goin' down's a battle, good and evil warrin'
The spiritual is admirable, the physical's abhorrent"
He thought they'd give him answers that were hidden
But when they said to give up sex, he said, "Oh no, you di'n't!"

Still, playa became a praya when he said
"Give me chastity and continence, Lord... but not yet!"

CHORUS: (repeat)

Took a job in It'ly and read up on the Plat'nists
Learned that evil's just the lack of good, and only good exists
A man in Milan named Ambrose tried to reach him
A. said, "I don't believe his words, but bro's da bomb at preachin'!"

Still he read the Holy Scripture and the picture started shiftin'
He prayed to God to save him from himself but he kept driftin'
Until he fell down weepin' at his knees
He heard the voice of children singin' "Take up and read"

And playa read Paul's playa-hatin' epistle
"Clothe yourself in Jesus Christ" hit him like a missile!

CHORUS: (repeat, 2x)

Faith and Disorder - the Odd Couple

Okay, I'm about to make claims that the Anglican Communion is - as a branch of the catholic church - not able to futz around with faith and order. I know that it'll make Vicky Gene cry, but it's true.

This is from the most recent Anglican SPREAD communique. They (or, I should say, we) are the Society for the Propagation of Reformed Evangelical Anglican Doctrine (‘as classically expressed in the Anglican Formularies: the Thirty-nine Articles, the 1662 Book of Common Prayer and the Ordinal’).

Rowan Williams own comments would have supported this perception. Only twelve months previously, on 22 July 2001, the London Sunday Telegraph, in a report entitled ‘Archbishop hits out at ban on gay clergy’ Dr Williams, then Archbishop of Wales, claimed that the 1991 ‘Issues in Human Sexuality’ report’s bar on the ordination of active homosexuals was incoherent and “this unwillingness to come clean can’t last. It is a contradiction.”

However, on his translation to the See of Canterbury, Williams’ enthusiasm for ‘coming clean’ seemed to be much dampened. He minimised his commitments to the gay lobby and wrote to reassure the Anglican Primates, saying ‘I have to distinguish plainly between personal theories and interpretations and the majority conviction of my Church.’ He has continued to emphasise this distinction between his personal (and in fact widely disseminated) views on the one hand and his official responsibility on the other.

You think if he says that with a pretty enough grin, we'll just give him a pass on that?

Oooh! Nice try. No...this is the standard Kantian retreat from integrity. It might work in a philosophy class, maybe even politics. But do you really believe that creedal, confessional Christians can be held together by someone who does not have convictions as to the trustworthiness of the Church's truth claims?

Hold on to your hat, Archbishop. Somebody is going to call you on that.

Superficially, this may seem generous, even sacrificial, but the consequences for the Church’s commitment to truth are serious. As Gerald Bray has observed, ‘Not to believe the teachings he is expected to defend is not a sign of superior holiness, as some have alleged, but the very opposite – it is deceitfulness taken to a higher level of deception.’ (Churchman Vol.122 No.4 2008 p293)

DOH!!! Too late!

This ‘higher level of deception’ is serious because, as a principle, it has the potential to downgrade Christian truth across the board. If the Archbishop of Canterbury himself can publicly treat the upholding of the plain teaching of Scripture as a formal duty rather than a personal commitment, the door is open to a kind of institutionalised hypocrisy in which it is acceptable to observe the formalities of orthodoxy while at the same time dissolving the substance of orthodoxy by conceding its provisionality. It is not difficult to see where this is leading; for instance Richard Holloway, former Primus (Primate) of Scotland cheerfully described himself in yesterday’s Sydney Morning Herald as an agnostic and yet can see no reason why he should stop ministering in the Scottish Episcopal Church.

I have no idea where national churches think that they get the authority to change the catholic faith and trivialize such essentials as the resurrection (which Mr. Holloway denies as a member of the Westar Institute) yet still keep less catholic traditions (such as liturgies, ideas of ministry & order, etc) in play. And they of course claim some sort of ethical high ground (while defending the ‘right’ to kill babies). Nonsense! (John Spong, et al...I’m talking to you!)

And this is why the Anglican Covenant will not work. Its minimal doctrine and diluted disciplinary provisions are simply inadequate in a Communion where we can no longer be certain what people mean by the words they use and whether they believe the words they use. Dr Williams by no means bears sole responsibility for this culture, but he presides over it and has lent it respectability.

It is said that the partisan nature of his appointment contained the seeds of Speaker Martin’s downfall and this week he has suffered the sudden death of his political career. The partisan nature of Dr Williams’ appointment also contains the seeds of his downfall, but his is likely to be a slow death as the confusion he has sown theologically gradually manifests itself in practice, as most recently in Jamaica. And in this light, we can see that GAFCON’s great contribution to the Anglican Communion has been to begin the process of restoring confessional confidence so that, as one body, Anglicans can speak of God and the gospel truthfully and clearly.

WE ARE NOT AMUSED!!!

Read the rest here. I try to cut the poor guy some slack...after all, there are rumours that he's already looking for a way out of office.

Oh yeah...have a wonderful Feast of the Ascension!

Dr. Schori asks: “Is that the feast where everybody assents to our modifications of catholic faith and order?”

No...it’s where the whole Church remembers that Christ is King, he rules in his Church. We don't have the authority to change things that he instituted. And we acknowledge that he will grow his Church when we do his will.

Dr. Schori adds: “Hmmm....I wonder why we’re not growing?”

Yeah...keep telling yourself it’s that because of demographic shifts and your sterling education.

Nope...can’t possibly have anything to do with not disciplining heretical clergy or trying to consecrate Buddhists as bishops.

Ordination vows

Somebody threw up ordination vows in my face. (I took vows as a deacon in the PCUSA, serving for three years before I left for seminary where I continued diaconal ministry...though not service on a board of deacons.)

Apparently, ordination vows are supposed to make us timid in doctrine and all inclusive to error. One of the reasons I had to leave the PCUSA was because the vows I'd taken could no longer be fulfilled when they'd been rendered null by the official endorsement of heresy (not just heterodoxy within the Reformed camp, but outright heresy). Others have experienced the same alienation in other churches. I sought a communion where I could be a true friend in ministry to my brother presbyters, not just an official colleague. That required a binding assent to basic Christian truths that simply does not exist in the PCUSA.

My interlocutor accused me of making up vows. HA! IF anybody made up vows, drawing them out of the zeitgeist rather than the apostolic faith once delivered, it was the UPCUSA in 1967 (and the PCUSA after the 1983 merger). You can see a nice historical source on all the vows here (Presbyterian, as well as Anglican).

Below is the examination that I took, and the vows I made in a public Pontifical celebration of the Holy Eucharist. Below them are the classical Anglican Ordinal formularies as found in the 1662 & 1928 BCP. Mine are slightly different in a few places because - until the orthodox Anglican merger is finished - our patriarchal oversight is currently through a church holding apostolic succession through the Roman Catholic Church. Our BCP rite was emended in a few places to ensure that the Roman See would acknowledge validity of orders (even if they find them illicit). This has been historically important due to our churches having a considerable number of ex-Roman Catholics who were influenced by the charismatic movement of the late 1960s and early 1970s.

Bishop My brother, the Church is the family of God, the body of Christ, and the temple of the Holy Spirit. All baptized people are called to make Christ known as Savior and Lord, and to share in the renewing of his world. Now you are called to work as a pastor, priest, and teacher, together with your bishop and fellow presbyters, and to take your share in the councils of the Church. As a priest, it will be your task to proclaim by word and Deed the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and to fashion your life in accordance with its precepts. You are to love and serve the people among whom you work, caring alike for young and old, strong and weak, rich and poor. You are to preach, to declare God's forgiveness to penitent sinners, to pronounce God's blessing, to share in the administration of Holy Baptism and in the celebration of the mysteries of Christ's Body and Blood, and to perform the other ministrations entrusted to you. In all that you do, you are to nourish Christ's people from the riches of his grace, and strengthen them to glorify God in this life and in the life to come.

Bishop My brother, do you believe that you are truly called by God and his Church to this priesthood?

Ordinand I believe I am so called.

Bishop Do you now in the presence of the Church commit yourself to this trust and responsibility?

Ordinand I do.

Bishop Will you respect and be guided by the pastoral direction and leadership of your bishop?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop: Will you be diligent in the reading and study of the Holy Scriptures, and in seeking the knowledge of such things as may make you a stronger and more able minister of Christ?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop Will you endeavor so to minister the Word of God and the sacraments of the New Covenant,that the reconciling love of Christ may be known and received?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop Will you undertake to be a faithful pastor to all whom you are called to serve, laboring together with them and with your fellow ministers to build up the family of God?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop Will you do your best to pattern your life and that of your family, or in accordance with the teachings of Christ, so that you may be a wholesome example to your people?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop Will you persevere in prayer, both in public and in private, asking God's grace, both for yourself and for others, offering all your labors to God, through the mediation of Jesus Christ, and in the sanctificationof the Holy Spirit?

Ordinand I will.

Bishop May the Lord who has given you the will to do these things give you the grace and power to perform them.

Ordinand Amen.

The Consecration of the Priest

All stand except the ordinand, who lies prostrate before the Bishop and the presbyters who stand to the right and left of the Bishop.

The hymn Veni Sancte Spiritus, is sung.

A period of silent prayer follows, the ordinand kneels before the bishop, the people still standing.

Bishop God and Father of all, we praise you for your infinite love in calling us to be a holy people in the kingdom of your Son Jesus our Lord, who is the image of your eternal and invisible glory, the firstborn among many brethren, and the head of the Church. We thank you that by his death he has overcome death, and, having ascended into heaven, has poured his gifts abundantly upon your people, making some apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry and the building up of his body.

The Bishop lays hands upon the head of the ordinand, the Priests who are present also laying on their hands.

Bishop Therefore, Father, through Jesus Christ your Son, give your Holy Spirit to Christopher; fill him with grace and power, and make him a priest in your Church. May he exalt you, O Lord, in the midst of your people; offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to you; boldly proclaim the gospel of salvation; and rightly administer the sacraments of the New Covenant. Make him a faithful pastor, a patient teacher, and a wise councilor. Grant that in all things he may serve without reproach, so that your people may be strengthened and your Name glorified in all the world. All this we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever.

People AMEN!

The new Priest is now vested according to the order of priests.

The new priest kneels before the Bishop for the anointing of his hands with Sacred Chrism, with the Bishop saying these words:

Bishop The Father anointed our Lord Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. May Jesus preserve you to sanctify the Christian people and to offer sacrifice to God.

Priest Amen.

The Bishop anoints the hands of the new priest saying:

Bishop Grant, O Lord, to consecrate and sanctify these hands by this unction and by our blessing; that whatsoever they shall bless may be blessed and whatsoever they shall consecrate may be consecrated and sanctified; in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Bishop then gives a Bible to the newly ordained, saying

Bishop Receive this Bible as a sign of the authority given you to preach the Word of God and to administer his holy Sacraments. Do not forget the trust committed to you as a priest of the Church of God.

The wife of the new priest is call forward and the bishop prays for the new priest and his wife.

The Bishop greets the newly ordained and his wife.

Vows for Anglican Priesthood

Book of Common Prayer 1662 & 1928

DO you think in your heart, that you are truly called, according to the will of our Lord Jesus Christ, and according to the Canons of this Church, to the Order and Ministry of Priesthood?

Answer. I think it.

ARE you persuaded that the Holy Scriptures contain all Doctrine required as necessary for eternal salvation through faith in Jesus Christ? And are you determined, out of the said Scriptures to instruct the people committed to your charge; and to teach nothing, as necessary to eternal salvation, but that which you shall be persuaded may be concluded and proved by the Scripture?

Answer. I am so persuaded, and have so determined, by God's grace.

WILL you then give your faithful diligence always so to minister the Doctrine and Sacraments, and the Discipline of Christ, as the Lord hath commanded, and as this Church hath received the same, according to the Commandments of God; so that you may teach the people committed to your Cure and Charge with all diligence to keep and observe the same?

Answer. I will so do, by the help of the Lord.

WILL you be ready, with all faithful diligence, to banish and drive away from the Church all erroneous and strange doctrines contrary to God's Word; and to use both public and private monitions and exhortations, as well to the sick as to the whole, within your Cures, as need shall require, and occasion shall be given?

Answer. I will, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you be diligent in Prayers, and in reading the Holy Scriptures, and in such studies as help to the knowledge of the same, laying aside the study of the world and the flesh?

Answer. I will endeavour so to do, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you be diligent to frame and fashion your own selves, and your families, according to the Doctrine of Christ; and to make both yourselves and them, as much as in you lieth, wholesome examples and patterns to the flock of Christ?

Answer. I will apply myself thereto, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you maintain and set forwards, as much as lieth in you, quietness, peace, and love, among all Christian people, and especially among them that are or shall be committed to your charge?

Answer. I will so do, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you reverently obey your Ordinary, and other chief Ministers, unto whom is committed the charge and government over you; following with a glad mind and will their godly admonitions, and submitting yourselves to their godly judgments?

Answer. I will so do, the Lord being my helper.

Then, shall the Bishop, standing up, say,

ALMIGHTY God, who hath given you this will to do all these things; Grant also unto you strength and power to perform the same, that he may accomplish his work which he hath begun in you; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen..

Vows for Anglican Bishop

Book of Common Prayer 1662 & 1928

BROTHER, forasmuch as the Holy Scripture and the ancient Canons command, that we should not be hasty in laying on hands, and admitting any person to Government in the Church of Christ, which he hath purchased with no less price than the effusion of his own blood; before we admit you to this Administration, we will examine you in certain Articles, to the end that the Congregation present may have a trial, and bear witness, how you are minded to behave yourself in the Church of God.

ARE you persuaded that you are truly called to this Ministration, according to the will of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the order of this Church?

Answer. I am so persuaded.

ARE you persuaded that the Holy Scriptures contain all Doctrine required as necessary for eternal salvation through faith in Jesus Christ? And are you determined out of the same Holy Scriptures to instruct the people committed to your charge; and to teach or maintain nothing, as necessary to eternal salvation, but that which you shall be persuaded may be concluded and proved by the same?

Answer. I am so persuaded, and determined, by God's grace.

WILL you then faithfully exercise yourself in the Holy Scriptures, and call upon God by prayer for the true understanding of the same; so that you may be able by them to teach and exhort with wholesome Doctrine, and to withstand and convince the gainsayers?

Answer. I will so do, by the help of God.

ARE you ready, with all faithful diligence, to banish and drive away from the Church all erroneous and strange doctrine contrary to God's Word; and both privately and openly to call upon and encourage others to the same?

Answer. I am ready, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you deny all ungodliness and worldly lusts, and live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world; that you may show yourself in all things an example of good works unto others, that the adversary may be ashamed, having nothing to say against you?

Answer. I will so do, the Lord being my helper.

WILL you maintain and set forward, as much as shall lie in you, quietness, love, and peace among all men; and such as be unquiet, disobedient, and criminous, within your Diocese, correct and punish, according to such authority as you have by God's Word, and as to you shall be committed by the Ordinance of this Realm?

Answer. I will so do, by the help of God.

WILL you be faithful in Ordaining, sending, or laying hands upon others?

Answer. I will so be, by the help of God.

WILL you shew yourself gentle, and be merciful for Christ's sake to poor and needy people, and to all strangers destitute of help?

Answer. I will so shew myself, by God's help.

ALMIGHTY God, our heavenly Father, who hath given you a good will to do all these things; Grant also unto you strength and power to perform the same; that, he accomplishing in you the good work which he hath begun, you may be found perfect and irreprehensible at the latter day; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Then shall the Bishop elect put on the rest of the Episcopal habit; and kneeling down, Veni, Creator Spiritus shall be sung or said over him; the Archbishop beginning, and the Bishops, with others that are present, answering by verses, as followeth.

Why I'm not in the PCUSA

Some people still don't understand why I set aside over a decade of preparation for ministry and official status in the high-paying PCUSA. It is fundamentally this: the PCUSA refuses to provide basic care to the people in the pew, especially when it comes to giving pulpits to false-shepherds who actively undermine the confidence God's people should have in God's Word. While I should have seen it long before I did, it took the flagrant scorn towards the Scriptures evidenced by an ordained clergyman in my (now former) presbytery of care to show me that even the best presbyteries were unwilling to do anything about the spreading cancer.

I am so sick and tired of these people pretending to have some sort of humility while also standing up, shaking their fists at the heavens and saying: "My God wouldn't do X or Y or Z like the God of the Old Testament does, so obviously the Bible is wrong!!!"

The best part is when these pretenders to the pastorate claim that an orthodox view of Scriptures is - at best - juvenile and naive. Of course, it doesn't take long for them to jump on the "okay...it's just a white male heterosexualist power trip in disguise, you meanie!"

To them, I'll say this: I've been deeply wounded by the words of Scripture. But those wounds were for my good. My pride has been pommeled. My lust has been lambasted. My sloth has been slapped. My avarice assailed and my gluttony gored. My wrath routed and my envy immolated.

Yes...Scripture hurts us. Scripture wounds people.

If it didn't, we couldn't be healed.

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6

Wolves in Sheepdog Clothing

Is your pastor leading you? Or just watching the show?



You should know what you believe, why you believe it, and why it makes a difference.

h/t ReverendFun

Modern Seminarians’ Dictionary

I saw this once back when I was in college and have regretted not keeping a copy ever since. I have sought it high and low and have finally had it come across my desk again. It is both hilarious and stunningly accurate. Read them all, you’ll recognize some of them especially if you’re a frequent visitor here.

A MODERN SEMINARIANS’ DICTIONARY
Published in “Fidelity”, September 1987, pp. 23-25.
Brother seminarians! Are you troubled by the non-judgmental expectations of the seminary? Are you confused by their concerns? Fear not. Before your eyes you have the key to ordination in this person’s seminary. Add these terms to your theological lexicon and believe me, you could well be ordained one or two years early!

PASTORAL: Effeminate; an attribute lacking in a man who demonstrates overt masculine attributes of clarity, decisiveness, and orthodoxy: G.K. Chesterton was not pastoral.

RIGID: Your view is not my view; normally, the rigid person has a simplistic view of Catholic doctrine (see SIMPLISTIC); for example, a rigid person holds that the ordination of women is not possible; a flexible person holds that to fail to ordain women is an example of sexism. Evelyn Waugh was rigid: “It is better to be narrow-minded than to have no mind, to hold limited and rigid principles than to have none at all. That is the danger which faces so many people today ‚ to have no considered opinions on any subject, to put up with what is wasteful and harmful with the excuse that there ‘is good in everything’ ‚ which in most cases means an inability to distinguish between good and bad.”

VISION: The quality of agreeing with me.

JUDGMENTAL: A person who judges the sin but not the sinner. A non-judgmental person utters not a word on the morality of the usual sexual sins, but tries to determine “where a person’s at” so that the person’s motives can be judged accordingly; a non-judgmental person judges the sinner but not the sin.

SIMPLISTIC: Having to do with common sense.

CATHOLIC FUNDAMENTALIST: A simplistic person who tries to live the Faith in a docile and pious way; also a Catholic who frequently prays the Rosary.

FLEXIBLE: You agree with me; a flexible person is open and dialogues on any issue, smiles knowingly and does precisely what he started out to do.

CHALLENGE: To recognize that my views are better than your views.

GROWTH: For you to assimilate my way of thinking into your life.

ENABLE: An essential attribute of a priest whereby he is able to convince others to do things his way without parishioners catching on to the deception.

NETWORKING: Allowing nuns to run parishes.

I HEAR YOU: A clever way of telling you that I don’t agree with you but I don†t want to sound dogmatic, rigid or inflexible.

WE HAVE NO RIGHT ANSWERS/WE DON’T HAVE MANY ANSWERS: Except this one (cf. Archbishop Rembert Weakland on homosexuality: “...I would like to state that I do not have all the answers on this highly complex issue…” (The Catholic Herald, July19, 1980.)

YOU’RE NOT LISTENING: The way a flexible, non-judgmental person expresses disappointment that a rigid, dogmatic person doesn’t agree with him; example: the Pope is “not listening” to the American Church.

OPEN AND HONEST: Telling religious superiors what they want to hear.

WOUNDED HEALER: The term used to convince a person who doesn’t “feel good about himself” to feel good about himself without Confession.

WHERE YOU’RE AT: Your psychological condition when you’re in the state of mortal sin calling for acceptance and a non-judgmental attitude.

WHERE ARE THOSE TEARS COMING FROM?: The standard question to ask troubled or sick persons when you have nothing else to fill up the unnerving silence.

COMPLEX TECHNOLOGICAL WORLD: The reason for resisting one’s conscience when opposing the teaching of the Catholic Church; also, the standard response a flexible person uses when a rigid person seems to be winning an argument.

VALUING YOUR SEXUALITY: Obsession with the usual adolescent preoccupations.

WE ARE ALL SEXUAL BEINGS: The reason to overlook sexual misbehavior in seminaries.

CELIBACY: Refraining from heterosexual genital activity.

PROCESS: The spontaneous movement in the dialogue of group therapy sessions never to be disrupted by thinking.

FEELING: The highest faculty of the human person left fully untouched by original sin.

ORIGINAL SIN: See SEXISM.

LOVE: A nice feeling.

THINKING: The most dangerous activity in a seminary; cause for psychological counseling; those who think “disrupt the process”; see PROCESS.

TOUCH, MINISTRY OF: Physical contact to demonstrate that one has the capacity of intimacy; does not necessarily involve an exchange of bodily fluids.

IN TOUCH WITH FEELINGS: Using the intellect to explicitly identify what one is feeling so that speech patterns can be altered to communicate one’s sensitivity and compassion; not to be confused with “intellectualizing your feelings.”

INTELLECTUALIZING YOUR FEELINGS: Controlling one’s temper.

COMPASSION: The warm feeling one has for oneself at any given time; one who has compassion needs to tell others he/she has compassion, otherwise compassion isn’t present; see also IN TOUCH WITH FEELINGS.

COMPASSION BURNOUT: The loss of the warm feeling one has for oneself when charitable works become wearisome or otherwise costly.

SENSITIVITY: The ability to identify and agree with the conventional wisdom of left-wing political issues such as feminism, gay rights, dissent,etc. Tim Unsworth of the National Catholic Reporter describes a sensitive priest: “But Vince Connery also cries a lot. He cries openly and
unashamedly in private conversation and in public. He doesn’t cover his face or hide it in the crook of his elbow. He simply stands there and cries, letting the tears flow and the voice break; and if someone reaches out even slightly, Connery will share an embrace while he cries some more. It soon becomes clear that this is an emotionally healthy priest in an emotionally unhealthy church” (NCR April, 1987).

TOTAL COMMITMENT: The intensity of involvement in charitable works until one finds that one “doesn’t feel good” about oneself; total commitments usually last six months to a year.

LEGALISM: Accepting at face value and obediently implementing what a document, law, or guideline reads.

OBEDIENCE: A word which doesn’t exist.

RULES: A word that once was operative but was done away with by the Second Vatican Council.

EXPECTATIONS: Flexible guidelines which change as frequently as the feelings of the Rector; not to be confused with RULES or LEGALISM.

REPRESSED ANGER: If detected, a cause for dismissal from the seminary; probable cause of both world wars, the Holocaust, and the election of Ronald Reagan [and George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush]; a technique absolutely essential for an orthodox seminarian to get ordained.

FORMATION: Kindergarten.

AFFIRMATION: The flattery due to someone who is in a position of authority.

AUTHORITY: Cannot exist or be invoked unless vested in a sensitive, flexible, non-judgmental and compassionate person (see SENSITIVE, FLEXIBLE, and JUDGMENTAL).

SEXISM: The sin associated with being male.

MALE DOMINATION: The irritating interest men have in sports, cigars, and male-bonding, especially in the hierarchy of the Church; the only mortal personal sin.

FEMININITY: A word created by a sexist, male-dominated society to subjugate women in the maternal role; the presence of femininity in women religious is a cause to recommend psychological counseling.

GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ONE’S FEMININE SIDE: An essential requirement for ordination to the priesthood.

NEGATIVE: The bad attitude having to do with the recognition of personal sin; also, any disposition which is not happy with the policies and views of sensitive, flexible and non-judgmental people.

CHANGE: Mandated by the Second Vatican Council; must be open to all change unless instituted recently; see WE HAVE NO RIGHT ANSWERS.

CONCERN: The response that a sensitive, flexible, non-judgmental and compassionate people in authority have when someone doesn’t agree with them.

HUMANKIND: The human race free of sexism (see SEXISM).

PARENTING: The activity of humankind in begetting children (see HUMANKIND).

SPIRIT OF VATICAN II: Church activities and programs which have absolutely no relationship to the letter of the documents of Vatican II.

ONGOING: The period of time between the Second Vatican Council and the implementation of the Spirit of Vatican II (see SPIRIT OF VATICAN II).

RELEVANT: Anything to do with dissent from Church teaching.

PAIN: The focus of Church dissent; felt by the editors of the National Catholic Reporter and inflicted by the editors of The Wanderer.

REDEFINING THE CHURCH: Defining the Church according to the Spirit of Vatican II (see SPIRIT OF VATICAN II).

LIBERATION: The replacement of existing structures of constraint with new and improved structures of constraint.

CONSCIENCE: The final arbiter of the correctness of one†s action always to be guided by the latest in Church dissent.

PRE-VATICAN II: A person who accepts at face value the teaching of the Church and who reads the documents of the Second Vatican Council without reference to a commentary.

CHURCH: Me.

MACROCHURCH: The male-dominated, sexist, oppressive, authoritarian hierarchical Church.

MICROCHURCH: The pastoral, flexible, open and honest, compassionate, open-to-change, local Christian community.

COLLEGIALITY: The doctrine defined by the Spirit of Vatican II stating that bishops have exactly the same authority as the Bishop of Rome.

BISHOP OF ROME: The local ordinary of an obscure diocese in Italy.

RADICALLY CONSERVATIVE: Reason to ignore the current discipline of the Church.

THE FUTURE: The last and enduring hope of Church dissenters.

WE CAN’T GO BACK: An absolutely efficacious and disarming argument.

HUMANAE VITAE: The biggest mistake the Church has made since the Council of Trent.

COUNCIL OF TRENT: A convenient summary of medieval myths and superstitions.

ECUMENISM: The process of transforming the liturgical rites of the mainline Christian denominations into a single rite of coffee, donuts and dialogue.

TRADITION: A practice established before the Middle Ages or after the Second Vatican Council.

THE LAITY: The future of the Church; cannot be ignored unless associated with ultra-conservative groups.

ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE: Anyone who disagrees with the National Catholic Reporter.

TRADITIONAL NUN: Irrelevant; an embarrassment to women religious.

WOMEN RELIGIOUS: Feminist nun; an oxymoron.

SOCIAL JUSTICE: The realignment of social structures according to the platform of the Democratic Party.

PROGRESSIVE: Pouring the wine of old heresies into new wineskins.

CONSCIOUSNESS RAISING: The method of argumentation used by radical feminists moving adult males to action: “Better to live in a corner of the house-top than have a nagging wife and a brawling household” (Prov.21:9).

EXPERIENCE: The only valid way to substantiate one’s opinions and beliefs; there’s no such thing as a “bad experience.”

SPEAKOUT: The activity springing from the virtue of Social Justice whereby sensitive and compassionate persons, with great emotion, promote the platform of the Democratic Party.

SHRILL: The nasty habit rigid and judgmental people have when they dare to disagree with the demands of Social Justice (see SOCIAL JUSTICE).

PREFERENTIAL OPTION FOR THE POOR: Socialism.

MINISTRY: All human activity.

COMFORT, COMFORTABLE: The final cause and proper object of ministry.

PLURALISM: The acceptance of all points of view except those with a point of view which doesn’t accept all points of view.

CLERICALISM: The attitude of priests who knowingly and willingly practice the sacramental aspects of the priesthood with diligence, reverence and joy.

HOMOPHOBIC: The psychological condition of those who witness and report acts of homosexuality to seminary authorities.

GAY: Deeply sensitive person who naturally possesses the skills for effective pastoral ministry; oppressed minority; in no way connected with pederasty: cf. Fr. James L. Arimond: “Don’t confuse homosexual orientation with other sexual minorities: transexual; pederasty; bafoonery; etc.” from an Archdiocese of Milwaukee workshop in Gay Ministry.

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Feeling good about some or all objects of desire whether animal, vegetable or mineral.

MISSION STATEMENT: A written objective or goal of a pastoral program upon which the success of the Gospel of Jesus Christ depends.

INTERFACE: A term, borrowed from computer technology, where sensitive and compassionate people dialogue among themselves; similar to the dialogue that the farmers and pigs engaged in in George Orwell’s Animal Farm.

ORDINATION: An archaic celebration in the Church still useful to mark the beginning of full-time ministry.

SEMINARY: School where men and women are prepared for full-time ministry.

OUTREACH: Any program for whatever reasons; also known as reach out; usually involves fundraising.

VOCATIONS CRISIS: Refers to the Church†s failure to relax the rules on celibacy and failure to ordain women.

SHARE: The practice of discussing the deepest intimacies of one’s life in front of complete strangers.

WORKSHOP: A church-sponsored meeting to ensure that the issues of optional celibacy, women’s ordination, the Sandinistas and leisure suits are still being addressed.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION: Salvation; no longer a mortal sin.

DIALOGUE: The deft use of banal clichés in conversation.

PROPHETIC/PROPHET: One who has the courage to speak out on one’s behalf; e.g., Charlie Curran.

CURRAN, CHARLIE: Twentieth century saint; went into debt defending his faith.

EMPOWER: To encourage others to think for themselves; cf., Evelyn Waugh: “Every effort was made to encourage the children at the public schools to think for themselves. When they should have been whipped and taught Greek paradigms, they were set arguing about birth control and nationalization. Their crude little opinions were treated with respect. Preachers in the school chapel week after week entrusted the future to their hands. It is hardly surprising that they were Bolshevik at 18 and bored at 20.”

POWERFUL: A spontaneous exclamation from hearing one†s own views restated in a more banal fashion.

LITURGISTS: “A society of men among us, bred from their youth in the art of proving by words multiplied for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as they are paid” (Swift, Gulliver’s Travels).

EASTER DUTY: Annual sacrilege.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Infallible teaching authority in the Church.

OFFICIAL CHURCH TEACHING: “I don’t expect it to change anybody’s mind one way or another. Catholics today have learned what it means to be selectively obedient to the Church†s teaching” (Father Richard McBrien, Washington Post, December16,1981).

CHASTITY: Safe sex.

SAFE SEX: Taking appropriate precautions during high risk sexual activity; not to be confused with responsible love.

RESPONSIBLE LOVE: Sexual relations only within marriage with a spouse; an ideal impossible to sustain in a complex technological world.

HIGH RISK SEXUAL ACTIVITY: Sodomy; the term neo-Victorian Catholics use when referring to the kinds of sexual activity St. Paul warned against.

CLOWN MASS: Liturgical innovation comparable to the innovation of Gregorian chant; relevant: “A clown liturgy may sound sacrilegious but those who attended a special Mass at St. Agnes Church described it as moving, uplifting, spirited and colorful” (Catholic Herald, Milwaukee, February 16, 1984).

LITURGICAL DANCE: Liturgical innovation comparable to the innovation of Gregorian chant: “Today’s procession into the altar by the priest and some members of the laity was a dance in the early church” (Sister Barbara Linke); relevant: “For me, my body is my instrument - it’s my way of expressing myself,” she said, gesturing frequently with hand to convey her thoughts. “I feel free when I dance; it’s a natural expression.” (Sister Barbara Linke, quoted in the Milwaukee Sentinel, August 3, 1985).

Christmas Dinner

(I know...I'm a little behind with this. Take it up with my editor.)

This past year was my first Christmas as an Anglican vicar, so we chose a traditional English roast, Yorkshire Pudding, Brussel Sprouts, baked onions, and made our first Christmas Pudding (with Kentucky Bourbon sauce)!

Monday Ministry Musing

I know lots of people going through the ordination process in the PCUSA. Someone from the presbytery that oversaw my own process is facing some of the same challenges of being stuck. This individual wrote a poem that got me thinking about my own process. I didn't ask permission to post it, but I used it as a reflection piece - for myself and for those who are stalled out in the process. I changed the wording, but kept the structure and the overall theme. This is like an epistle - if you listen to this end of the conversation, you can probably hear what's going on in the original poem.

What happens if I focus on the ordination process,
becoming callous (non-reverent) from the handling of holy things?
Or, in a desire to be called “Reverend,”
ignore the adjective when it doesn't come from a committee?
What if I miss the everyday chances
to live into my own baptism
because I'm focused on someone else
as a child of the covenant?
What if I never break the bread of hospitality
and pour the cup of tea at my own table,
or if I don't recognize them as “the gifts of God for the people of God”?
What if my voice is never heard (in a choir)?
What if I don't listen to those who set foot in a pulpit?

What if I made seminary about a piece of paper,
Whether a diploma,
or an ordination certificate,
and therefore wasted my time
and all our resources?

What if I believe that my usefulness to God
is equivalent to my usefulness to a denomination,
a local governing body,
a committee,
or a single congregation?

What if I think I'm not good enough,
even though the Lord of the Universe
took on flesh and died in my place,
then sent His Spirit to reassure me
of my place at His table?

What if I used seminary
as a buffer against following God's call?
What if I missed growing during that time
because I was waiting on something at the end...
...instead of waiting on God?

What if I lost sight of the glorious
ministry of the covenant people of God
because I wanted to be in the lead?

What if I missed out on the call to serve
a congregation from out of the midst of them
because I would only listen to a call if it
were duly authorized and passed through
paper channels.

What if I passed over the garment of praise,
the garment of salvation,
and the robe of Christ's righteousness,
because it didn't look like a Geneva gown?

What if I made the mistake of taking a good thing
and missing out on the best thing.

Lord, I believe.
Help my unbelief.

Lord, You have called.
Help me follow You wherever You call.

Here's Martin Luther's prayer for his own ordination:

Oh, Lord God, Thou hast made me a pastor and teacher in the Church. Thou seest how unfit I am to administer rightly this great and responsible Office; and had I been without Thy aid and counsel I would surely have ruined it all long ago. Therefore, do I invoke Thee. How gladly do I desire to yield and consecrate my heart and mouth to this ministry! I desire to teach the congregation. I, too, desire ever to learn and keep Thy Word my constant companion, and to meditate thereupon earnestly. Use me as Thy instrument in Thy service, Only do not Thou forsake me, for if I am left to myself, I will certainly bring it all to destruction. AMEN.

May all who seek leadership among God's covenant people say Amen!

Hymn for Ordination Today

God the Spirit, Guide and Guardian

Tune: Hyfrydol

God the Spirit, guide and guardian, wind-sped flame and hovering dove,
Breath of life and voice of prophets, sign of blessing, power of love,
Give to those who lead your people, fresh anointing of your grace.
Send them forth as bold apostles to your church in every place.

Christ our Savior, sovereign, Shepherd, word made flesh, love crucified,
Teacher, healer, suffering servant, friend of sinners, foe of pride,
In your tending may all pastors learn and live a shepherd's care;
Grant them courage and compassion shown through word and deed and prayer.

Great Creator, life bestower, truth beyond all thought's recall,
Fount of wisdom, womb of mercy, giving and forgiving all,
As you know our strength and weakness, so may those the church exalts
Oversee its life steadfastly yet not overlook its faults.

Triune God mysterious being, undivided and diverse,
Deeper than our minds can fathom, greater than our creeds rehearse,
Help us in our varied callings your full image to proclaim,
That our ministries uniting may give glory to your name.

*GOD THE SPIRIT, GUIDE AND GUARDIAN

Words by Carl P. Daw, Jr.; Music by Rowland H. Prichard © 1989 Hope Publishing Company, Carol Stream, IL 60188

If You Thought They Messed Up the Olympics

This little gem is from the English (Engrish?) subtitles on a Chinese-made hack of Star Wars Ep III.
Believe it or not, Anakin Skywalker would be an improvement over some of the folks I know that got "made" [ministers] by the Presbyterian Church.

Pastoral Sensitivity and CPE

After reading Jim Berkley's post on the bedside manner of John Calvin, I came across this post that gave the following video clip:

It's a perfect example of what the powers posers that be are demanding of mainline seminarians. It's not that CPE isn't useful for certain people - or that nothing can be gained from it by everyone. It's just that it is farcical to think that CPE gets anyone closer to the heart of Christian ministry (which - in more honest times - was called the "cure of souls"). It's also symptomatic of institutions which have converted to chaplain-mode. After all, if you don't believe that God actually does rescue his elect from the jaws of death, there's nothing to do but hold collective hands and say "hush" as the night closes on.

Mainline pastoral care classes try to teach you to be polite and sincere. Yet they are sincerely wrong and politely dying. People on the precipice of death need to know that you don't have time to play around with the "gospel of nice" - it's time to find out if the man who returned from the dead can get you to and through death's door with integrity.

Creativity an essential to religion

CAVEAT: I'm not PCUSA anymore, so this is tongue-in-cheek. (I don't have the class that Will Spotts shows in just staying out of it.) But it's my blog, so I can vent like that. This post was written before I was tidily swept out of the ordination process. However, with the recent GAPJC ruling, I think it's relevant. The real mess isn't about THE GAY, but about THE GOSPEL. Disobedience to evangelical truth lies at the root of the rot - across the mainlines sidelines.

At the bidding of Clifton Kirkpatrick, I was reflecting on what is essential to Christian faith. Since the only folks who will determine if I've met those essentials (and CPE) are in Holston Presbytery, I decided it best to visit the teaching ministry of our most Reformed blogger, who - unlike me - is able to hold ordained ministerial status. I found there an essential of creativity. With that in hand, I thought about the general impulse of the blog and decided I'd better get about the task of finding a politicized church where creativity was an essential (rather than all those essentials of the Christian faith he has trouble accepting or understanding, like the full deity of Christ and his second advent, the inspiration of the Scriptures, and the Triune personhood of God).

I think I finally found one. It essentializes creativity, looks for logical / scientific / evolutionary answers to the world's problems, holds that Christian history is full of human horrors caused by supernaturalistic dogma, forbids thought of an afterlife, thinks that religion is best occupied by political action rather than doctrinal issues, and is all about taking care of the environment. They even emphasize women clergy! (That's one better than those NWACko winos!)

Matthew 23 Comes to Mind

San Francisco Presbytery has given us the final outworking of the PUP report. If you have not read Ms. Larges' own statement, do so here. Make sure you read page 3-4, where she says: "By my conscience, faith and theology I cannot and will not accept the terms of this standard....In my own life, while I affirm the moral values of fidelity and chastity, I will not and can not claim chastity in singleness unless and until fidelity between two persons of the same gender within a covenantal relationship is recognized."

This obstinate reaction is the natural outworking of her double-minded hermeneutic on page 2: "while Holy Scripture is necessary to faith and authoritative in our lives, 'to lead a life in obedience to Scripture' sets the authority of Scripture above the authority of Christ and returns us to life under the law." (Don't you love the smell of antinomianism in the morning? Can someone please tell me when the PCUSA went Quaker?)

Now try and apply that "logic" to any issue that is claimed as a matter of justice (women's ordination; "minority" representation; property; etc.) and see if you think feel that it could be "scrupled" as easily as G-6.0106b has been in San Fran.

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! See, your house is left to you desolate."

God bless the faithful presbyters who will continue to guard those entrusted them by the chief shepherd.