Your Best Seat...NOW!!!

Victoria Osteen, wife of Lakewood tepid telepeptalkgiver Joel Osteen, is in court today. She's charged with assault "during an outburst over a stain on her first-class seat."

Hopefully, she'll be able to use some of the proceeds from her upcoming book, Love Your Life, to settle up. While not widely reported on, the original subtitle was "Your Best Life Now at 10,000 Feet."

Frankly, she needs to become a better her, first. If she's going to have her best life now, it better damn well include the best seat... RIGHT NOW!!!

Moving off of fossil fuels

If somebody says that their energy policy is to get us off of fossil fuels, make sure they elaborate step two.

Presidential Hopeful

Honestly, could she be any worse than what we're already facing?

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Peace-loving Iran at it again

Iran is now sabre-rattling about its "newest weapon" for strikes at sea. Some people want to say that Iran is a peace-loving country (and I'm sure her people are), and that the nuclear facilities they hid from the world for nearly two decades are for peaceful energy purposes (in a country with enough oil and natural gas to see it through the next century or more, given steady growth). I find that naive, based on the escalation of tensions - largely on the part of Iran - in the region.

And I'm sure the current ramp-up in weapons testing and chest-beating is just part of its face-saving, non-violent, peaceful attempts at proclaiming their sovereignty and cultural distinctiveness...right? Give me a break!

The sooner this threat is unmasked and declawed, the better it will be for her own people and for the world. Pray that it can be done peacefully, without resort to open warfare. Their government has ready made plain their plans.

World's Oldest Jokes

I love it when two of my passions come together to meet. Dr. Kim Paffenroth wed zombies and religion for me (two great tastes that taste weird together). Now someone has done the same for ancient history and humor. It's not the first time, but it's good. Below is a selection from the top ten.

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." (Credited to the Emperor Augustus 63 BC – 14 AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

My favorite - which didn't make the cut - is the one found in Codex Exoniensis (as reported by the Torygraph). It runs thus:

“What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?’ Answer: A key.”

I'll bet +Leofric laughed his lappets off at that one.

FakeBook

Okay...as a facebook fiend, I find the GOP's latest tactic on Obama absolutely hysterical.


Watch the 1 Corinthians 15:33 principle in effect!

(Do note that they haven't put up his Wright-wing affiliations...yet.)

Does Iran want to bomb the US?

Well, Newsmax is running a story citing the testimony a PhD electrical engineer, William Graham of the Claremont Institute, gave before Congress.

[sarcasm]

I'm sure it's all just that FauxNews crap and right-wing neocon tripe because I only believe the credible people at Huffinpuff Post and Altermedia. After all, this report is being opposed by all the right people. Let's see, the genteel peace-loving souls at StormFront forum have something to say, as does the good doctor and LA state legislator David Duke. And the fact that it's a propaganda piece supported by the Elders of Zion just proves that it's meant to urge Amerikkka into starting WWIII (especially if McCain - WIII himself - gets elected). Remember, Iran is the good guy.

[/sarcasm]

Hey...at least if they hit us with one of those EMPs, we can go back to a non-greenhouse gas economy!

He is heavy and he's my brother

This friar has a habit of ROCKING OUT!!!!

Friar Cesare Benizzi is a 60-something Capuchin whose apostalate has led him to be a missionary in Africa's Ivory Coast and now a mendicant preacher in Italy. Fifteen years ago, or so, he saw Iron Maiden and loved the energy in the music.

Ever since that time, he's been looking for ways to incorporate heavy metal into his ministry. Let's just say that the Novus Ordo never sounded so bad.

Hey...he could have turned out to be one of those emerjerk types that just wants to soften everything up. I'm kinda glad he with with a more... ahem, hardline approach.

I'll bet praying the daily office with this guy would be a total hoot...

Oh yeah...the name of his band is Fratello Metallo.

Follow-up on Obama Trip

Since he refused to see wounded soldiers without a photo-op, and to have an American flag behind him in the speeches he gave, I have to wonder about this guy....

Obama said he shouldn't have the flag behind him because he wasn't president. Yet that didn't stop Nancy Pelosi from showing the colors when she met with Ehud Barak in Tel Aviv back in May. Any number of US officials (elected and appointed) have regularly flown the flag on foreign soil when they are there and have a press conference.

It brings to mind Coulter's lame excuses post. This Obama guy can't seem to take responsibility for anything!

Obamanation Desecration

In case you missed it, the London Times did a brilliant satire of Obama's messianic voyage to the motherlands. Here's a snippet:

He ventured forth to bring light to the world

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow....

See you in St. Louis

Today, I head for my first denominational meeting since aligning with the Anglicans. I'm looking forward to the contrast. Having been to two General Assemblies, it will be interesting to note where the conflicts arise and where people will find unity.

I'm especially looking forward to meeting some of the men from the Reformed Episcopal Church. The APA connects me to them and to the Province of Nigeria through concordats of intercommunion. REC and Nigeria have a very high regard for the reformed catholicity upheld in the 39 Articles, Lambeth Articles, and Irish Articles. These are important to me because they led directly to the development of the Westminster Confessional Standards - where I first found my own theological voice.

John Adams on the preaching we need

With the recent unpleasantness in Massachusetts, I found myself drawn back to the writings of John Adams.

"It is the duty of the clergy to accommodate their discourses to the times, to preach against such sins as are most prevalent, and recommend such virtues as are most wanted.

For example, if exorbitant ambition and venality are predominant, ought they not to warn their hearers against those vices?

If public spirit is much wanted, should they not inculcate this great virtue?

If the rights and duties of Christian magistrates and subjects are disputed, should they not explain them, show their nature, ends, limitations, and restrictions, how muchsoever it may move the gall of Massachusetts?"

Read the rest here or here. And remember, despite the evidence, he was indifferent to personal religion. Right, public schools?

Greekin' Deacons

Make Acolytin' Averys! He looks so serious next to his doofus father.
That's not my usual surplice (which looks more like this one). But it was hot, so I wasn't going for the more opaque heavy linen (which my long-suffering wife made for me).

This is a pic of my eldest son on his first day as an acolyte. I should threaten to make an alliterative blog for him...

And just for kicks, here's a recent pic of the rest of the family.


Yes, that's seersucker. You can take a boy out of the South, but you can't take the south out of the boy. The Heat Will Rise Again!!!

Mush Mouth Hymnody

Back when I was a rabid Reformer (instead of a regular Calvinist), I was told by the TRULY REFORMED that to say nice things about John Wesley was just "speaking peace" to the Arminians. Well...having grown up a bit (and grown into Christ's love), I now side with George Whitfield and speak admirably of the evangelist who founded the denomination into which I was born (even though he himself was buried as an Anglican priest). In 1761, John Wesley wrote "Directions for Singing" - a short set of instructions that continues to be printed in the front matter of many hymnals. Apparently, he should have added something about enunciation.

You see, classic hymnody may draw people because of it's majesty, its history, or simple innate conservatism. But the real power of the great hymns are their ability to convey the faith in fullness - through an appeal to the emotions and an appeal to the mind. The doctrinal content is, for me, one of the enduring contributions of classic hymnody. And when it is sung poorly (such that the words muddle together), then we lose its greatest gift. (And when the words are changed or muddled deliberately, that's worse!)*

This tradition of mixing good theology with good music continues in a variety of genres. Michael Card is one of my favorite composers for modern Christian music. Keith Getty makes some incredible songs for congregational singing. Vicar's son, Stuart Townend, is also an excellent composer and worship leader, as well as practical/musical theologian. Let's get past the worship wars of style and move back to Christ-honoring content!

*Concessions can be made for inclusive language regarding humanity without having to muck up the rest of the song.

Becoming a Popular "Evangelical" Writer

There've been a string of pomo "evangelicals" getting lots of press / publishing attention in the last few years. (Think Rob Bell, Brian McLaren, Shane Claiborne, etc.) I like to just call them emerjerks. But I do envy their success. Thanks to Doug Groothius, I now have the secret tools needed to write like them so I don't have to be "right" anymore. It's so...liberating?


Click here for Groothius' list.

Meanwhile, if you don't mind being a crusty old fundamentalist, check out the action at Classical Presbyterian.

Those Sunny Beaches

Maybe it's just me, but the 2008 Presidential campaign is starting to look more and more like a bad day at the beach in Florida: shuffling white guys past their prime and cheap new flip-flops.

Them's Fightin' Words

From the You Can't Make This Stuff Up file comes a lawsuit that I've been waiting to see.

Zondervan and Nelson Publishers are being sued by self-proclaimed Bible expert and self-affirmed practicing homosexual, Bradley LaShawn Fowler. In all, he says he is owed $70 million for the emotional pain and trauma he has suffered. 1 Corinthians 6:9 is the focal point of his complaint. (I wonder where he got the idea of focusing here....) Feel free to take a look at the Greek behind it.

Now Mr. Fowler is surely an intellectual powerhouse to be reckoned with - as a quick review of his website will show. He also is a self-published author of Reconciliation with the G.O.A.T., God of All Truth. (Please, no goatse jokes.) And - tremble, O Zondervan and Nelson - he's representing himself in court. (I don't know why: the ACLU, GLAAD, GLF, GMAD, and others would probably provide pro bono homo legal counsel.) I'm sure that it's tort claims like these that our founding fathers intended to take up the time of the justice system.

Also, would anybody be interested in helping some death-row murders file a tort against God and the Bible publishers for that whole killing / murder confusion in the Decalogue?

Church Wars

Sometimes, it's like we're coming from two different worlds.

One of the nice things about denominations is that they allow Christians who feel passionately about a certain theological principle or ecclesiastical habitus to work together without being distracted by those who don't share the same conviction.

One of the nice things about catholic orthodoxy is that it allows Christians who've gone into these denominations to recognize the gifts of other Christians because a baseline has been established wherein we fellowship.

One of the sad things is when an ecclesial structure has neither shared convictions/practices or generalized orthodoxy. That's when stuff like money and politics hold them together - and the sheep get starved or slaughtered.

Being Right When You Wish You Were Wrong

This is what it feels like to be one of the conservative observers of the mainline decline.

In other words...being right isn't the same as being happy about it.

(I do have to say, though, that some are reveling in Schadenfreude over the recent announcements from Anglican and Presbyterian meetings...and they're like the guy in the last frame.)

h/t: AmazingSuperPowers.com

Pay it froward

Get it done before your dollar is worthless!

https://www.extension.iastate.edu/mfl/online.html